hummed at a sleeping body in the morgue.

talking is a waste of breath.
honestly, i think i`d rather not spill out my words cuz i`m not in a good mood.
the whole day i was thinking about one damned thing, 'wasting'.
i think i`m a waste.
i think i`m an abomination to the world.
i think i`m the pollution to the the busy roads and filthy rivers.
i think i`m a disgrace to my respectful country yellow bruneian ic.
i think i`m just wasting myself here, blogging, not wanting to be alive.
living is a waste of death.
i wonder why god didn`t just let me die when my mom gave birth to me.
i wonder why god didn`t just let me die in a car accident when i crossed the road.
i wonder why god didn`t just let me die when i had my very life-taking heart problem.
i wonder why god didn`t just let me die in a plane crash when i went to foreign countries.
i wonder why am i still here, not all dead and cold, being eaten by every insects living underground. i want my respect from god by making me one of the deads cuz i consider myself as a waste.
i consider myself officially lifeless.
i am a waste.
i want to die.
i will die.
but i wish i was dead.
i deteste studying.
i don`t have bestfriends.
i don`t have closefriends.
i don`t have an ambition.
i don`t have a dream.
i don`t have an understanding of my ownself.
i don`t have people i love.
i don`t have people loving me.
so why should i live?
my wrist sings out the rhythm of suicide.
i`ve tried suicide.
it was heaven for a while, but after i woke, seeing my mom in tears and my dad with his swollen eyes due to lack of sleep, me all in white with needles and wires wrapping around me, realised that i am alive, but i have no life.
i have no life.
i breath.
i eat.
i am a teen.
i do chores.
i cry.
i smile.
i depress.
i chill.
i love.
i hate.
i go online.
i login my fs.
i update my blog.
i am like any teen born in this world, unperfect, but alike in any similar way.
but how come i don`t feel like i`m one of them?
how come i feel everything is negative with every positive pop-ups?
why do i feel so depressed in a happy surrounding?
why do i feel so left out with friends who surround me, smothering me every minute?
why do i feel so lifeless when people go on, enjoying all the shits and just go with the flow?
that`s me.
the dawn is never same like the twilight, same color but never the same.

THE AWESOMELY FUCKING END.

; platinum.