i left my conscience pressed.

i developed this superb feeling for this particular person since march this year. it was unexpected, yes, cuz this feeling was also present few years back. but back then, i was still just a maggot, in other words a junior who would fall in love with anybody. i was still stupid and my feelings were for any guys that i feel i wanna like, without even thinking who or what are they. stupidity always intercepted me. but i guess going through all those temptation and ups and downs in relationships made me more, in adult terms, mature ahaha.
i didn`t care about guys when i was still in my level one maggot stage. i mean, pfft, who needs em. we girls be fine. but, a guy caught a hold of my heart and i soon fell in love. but things were different back then. dulu, it was all about being the hunted. attracting different aged men so they could suffocate us with their love. being all pedofile and famous at the same time. because what? cuz of sucking older men`s balls? <-- shit, i wasn`t in this group. i was just explaining this crap.
HAHA. i`m enjoying this.
i was a 'stare-er'. i looked for a prey from a far. i don`t make moves like some sluts would (eg molesting men from behind. harhar.) i would just emancipate myself with the surroundings and look. yes. LOOKSTARESEEWATCH.
some of my friends even gesture me to make a move. 'confess to that man, bish. c`mon, what`sit to lose?' my dignity. my respect for that person. my pride. so i `d rather not.
yes. I do WANT that person. but in economics, wants are just those to satisfy our desire. i mean, why waste time on something i can`t have while you have other stuff to think about.
that was when i was in the level one maggot stage. now i`m a senior. a new person. a being left off from the maggot stage to become a more better person.
but the topic love always made the noob seniors suffer. or the later stage of maggot.
i suffered a lot. some hurts. some suicidal. yes. it makes us feel in the seventh heaven.

(suddenly, i don`t know what i`m talking about cuz i`m lost and tired.)

to conclude all the crap, i am in love with this person. usually i am able to let that person go. very easily. but i can see this situation is different. once i let him go, he`ll be gone. FOREVER. :( which is so heartbreaking. not like the others. pfft. them. i`ll be able to look at them cuz they`re in the same batch or a year older. but when we`re talking about a someone in the last batch of the year, it shreds my heart.

sii damiit.
:')
*cries.

i`m letting this off. i can`t stand the tears piercing my eyes. so goodnight.

the awesomely sad end.

; jakee.